My own thoughts and feeling uncensored

I realized a few days ago that I have informed you about the logistics that have been going on but not my own emotions and thoughts. I want to take this time to tell you about that.

When I was evacuated I was not sure if I was really ready to go back out again. I did look into direct transfer which would have me going to another country right after Niger but luckily no programs were open for me. I look at that now as a blessing in disguise. I know that I would have been fine if I did do something like that but I feel better coming home first. My fear wasn't that I wasn't ready for the challenge that a new assignment would being. My fear was not being able to serve my new village to the best of my abilities. I was unsure if I would have too much connection to Niger and the people there to be able to put my all into a new country. Since I have been home I now feel ready to take on the challenge and know that I can give Nicaragua everything that I gave Niger if not more. I have the experience of doing it before. I know what worked and didn't work last time and can improve on it. I have the confidence and go get it attitude that is needed for this job back again.

The time home was not easy even though I knew that I had to be home. I found that the first few months home were wonderful but hard. The reverse culture shock was quite a shock. I can remember going into a grocery store and wanting to get out. There was so much food! I would think that just the produce area would be enough food to feed my village for a month. The idea of so much food and how we don't appreciate it was saddening for me. I walked through the store in a daze. Mom described me as a zombie and I'm sure that is what I looked like. All I could think about was how much I wanted to be back in my village. I also went to a few of the meetings and events that return volunteers had and talked with people who were back in the US. It helped to here from others and listen to their stories.

As time passed I got adapted to like in the US and my enthusiasm to re-enroll came with a vengeance. The frustration I had with the Peace Corps happened soon after. I was offered a place in Jamaica which I later realized I didn't want. I didn't have the time to think it through and I said yes to it. I felt bad telling them no after saying yes but I remembered what on return volunteer told me. I was to be stubborn and get what I wanted, that is what I did. I was then told i was going to El Salvador. By the time that I got excited I was told I was changing. I was given an option that didn't sound like what I wanted. I was frustrated, by that point I was in US for about 4 months and just wanted to get back out and work. I was told soon after that I was to go the Nica. Yet I was to leave later, about a month later. I didn't have many options and was just glad to go and get what I wanted. Even it it meant more time at home. It was that or not going. Disheartened I began to plan my summer.

My friend from Niger began to go out and I was hearing about there wonderful adventures and wishing that I could share in their fun. I was becoming jealous of their adventures. I wanted to join them so bad but was stuck here at home. In what was beginning to feel like a prison. At this point in time I was realized that I was not going to be able to live with my parents for much longer. I had to find a way to get out of the house. They were driving me crazy just like parents were suppose to do. Not only was there a delay in my return to service but there were issues with my medical getting done. It felt like one set back after another as if I would never get to Nica.

Going to camp gave me a focus for my anger and frustration it was a distraction from the systematic life I had at home. I got to learn more Spanish and have a freedom that I wasn't getting at home. During my time at camp I tried to contact Peace Corps because I had a medical hold on my account but didn't know why. I had not number at camp that I could give them. I gave them my email in hopes that they would be able to email me about the hold. They never got back to me and I never talked to anyone in Peace Corps. It was very frustrating and with my time in the US winding down I began to fear that I wouldn't be able to go.

Coming back home and having a month to get ready was a good idea. There was still a lot of things that I needed to do, pack up my room and finish packing for Peace Corps. I also wanted to be able to say good by to my friends. My life was busy which helped distract me. However I still had a medical hold on me. I had to find a way to get rid of the hold. I didn't understand why I had to have a test when all of the past test came back negative. Peace Corps contacted me finally when I could give them a phone number. I guess it was security reasons but I will never know. However I got it done and all was well in the end. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulder.

Now it is the forever waiting for the day to come. I'm all packed and have been for two weeks now. I am only waiting nervous, and excited for the day to finally come. Having strange Peace Corps dreams and being kept up with nerves. Hope everything settles down when I get to Nica. I know it will. 4 days to go! But who's counting? LOL.

10 days left!

Hey all,

I'm finding that I'm getting nervous! I'm not sleeping well and I think it is linked to Nica. I have never taught successfully and I'm scared to be doing it for two year straight. I keep telling myself that they will train us but it is still daunting. I know that i will do well and that i have nothing to fear. Now if only my body will follow my mind. Oh well that is normal and it will be an amazing experience. I'm also apprehensive of my host family. Peace Corps just changed the rule that all incoming volunteers must live with a host family for the whole 2 years. I am nervous about how my family will like me and vise versa. I am also afraid that my village will judge me on my family and not on who i am. The first impression is that one that lasts after all. At least we are allowed to change our families if we want to. I know that it is for our own safety but I would rather live alone. I hope that i can still get a cat but that is something that i will have to work out with my family.

I would like to take this time to comment on the news that is around Peace Corps this past few months. Please remember that this is my personal opinion and does not reflect the ideology or opinion of Peace Corps or the US government. I feel that through my personal experience, Niger was one of the most safes places i have been. I felt as if i have a support network that i could work if something did happen. I felt like any concerns that i might have were met and i think others in my group felt the same.

Part of the culture of Niger is the lack of contact between men and women. So a simple brush of the arm could be a man coming on to you. Other cultures that might not be true. Each culture has there own way of dealing with things and what actions are considered right or wrong. This is one of the risks of going abroad whether it is to study, vacation, or Peace Corps. It is a risk that you are taking. A Peace Corps volunteer knows of these risks and accepts them as fact. Yet they also see the amazing aspect of such experience as well.

During our training we are given/explained to about situations and how to react in them. We had a skit about how to ward off unwanted attention and other incidences that could happen. They give you advice and plenty numbers to call if you need to. This is useful when you are at post but like the news said there were incidence with PC admin. However I found that I made some close friends with the PC admin and that I could go to that person if i needed. I keep this person in mind and call them if need be as well as the person you are suppose to call. this will gave me a person that I know I could trust to use if need be.

I feel that someone can be in just as much danger in an American city as they are in Peace Corps. There are incident all over the US and world it is one of the ugly parts of life. Yes Peace Corps could have handled some of the situations better than they did but every person/organization makes mistakes. There is no way that someone can predict the action of another. I am not justifying what happened or saying that Peace Corps was not in the wrong. All parts were at play here and everything has to be taken in to consideration and looked at from all sides.

Basically, I fell in love with my village in the short time I was there. I learned a lot about myself and them. I would not trade that experience and would recommend peace corps to anyone.

Staging Again

Hey all i just go my new staging information. I will be leaving Aug. 30 for Washington DC. Leave there to go the Nicaragua! I'm so excited and can't wait to get out of this house.

There has been a slight change of plans in our living situations. Now all volunteers are mandatory to live with a host family for the whole two years. I'm sure it will end up being fine but I'm not really looking forward to that. I'm concerned with privacy and having your own space to be me. Like when i need to scream, cry or curse as well as just be America. I know that it will work out but it's not ideal in my mind. I also don't know how visitors will work out because I would love to see all of you in my humble adobe sometime these next two year.

That is about the only Peace Corps update that I have but I will keep you posted about any new developments as they come in.

A change once again

Hi all. It has been a while since i last wrote but some no developments has happened. I will not be going to El Salvador in July. With the new budget cuts Peace Corps cut my assignment from El Salvador. The new replacement is now a combined assignment of Youth Development with an environmental focus. This is not what i am interested in but i was willing to take a look at it and keep an open mind. Peace Corps said that they would send me information about my new assignment and if i would want to do it.

I never got anything. Instead i got a call today saying that i didn't sound to thrilled about the new assignment and that they were offering me a new place. They told me that they offered my the other assignment thinking that i would not want to change so drastically and stick with what i had. They saw that they were wrong and offered me Nicaragua leaving on Aug. 30. I would be doing the same sort of work as in El Salvador Environmental Education with a deforestation focus. I would be working with three or so rural school and the communities. This is a bit later that i would have liked but that's life. Now i would get to get some summer jobs before i go.

I think this all happened for a reason and that it will all work out wonderfully in the end. Peace Corps has been great throughout the whole thing. They understood how frustrated i have been and was willing to work with my as well as apologized a lot. So, so long until later. Nicaragua here i come! Can't wait to see you Allison.

From the Desert to the Tropics

Well I have a country no and a story about getting it. The recruiting officer called me with a placement in the Caribbeans i would be doing conservation sustainability work perfect. I said yes to it and did not think that the Caribbeans is primarily English speaking countries and I do not want to go to an English country since I can speak it already.

I called them back right after I realized my mistake but they were closed for the night. I knew that they usually didn't change an invite after it was decided. I got a call the next day and asked which country i would be going to. Jamaica, not that I have anything against Jamaica but it was not what I was really looking for. I asked if it was too late to change my place and they said that they don't usually change countries. He asked me what I didn't like about Jamaica I explained my desire for no English. They said that they don't do really do this but they would see what other options there are. I would most likely be leaving a few months later.

I got a call back and they said that i would be leaving for EL SALVADOR on July 19th! I'll be doing environmental education; agriculturalist work. So it's like a full circle. I was nominated for the exact thing I'm doing. Spanish here I come.

It's been a while

It had been a while since I last posted. As you are most likely aware I was evacuated from Niger at the end of Jan 2011. It was an interesting time emotionally for me during this evacuation. I was in my village for only 8 days. Yet some how in those 8 days i have become very attached to the village and it's people. I had made friends that i still cherish and miss alot. I think one of the things that i am most grateful for it the opportunity to see my village. i did not pass the language requirements to go to the village but Tondi allowed me to go anyways with a tutor. Without this treatment i would not have had to opportunity to meet such wonderful people. I am forever grateful to Tondi. thank you!

My village was about 3k from the main road and market town. there was no real store or market in my village. it was broken up into four sections. i did not get the chance to know the other sections as much as i would have liked. there were a few projects that i was thinking of doing in my village: a community garden, an adult literacy class, help with the existing school system, and farmer field school (a scientific approach to farming). One of the hardest parts about leaving the village when i did is knowing that i did not give the village anything when they gave me so much. It is an unfair situation but one that i can not change and should not dwell on for long.

The evacuation came as a surprise even if if shouldn't have. The week before the evacuation there was alot of stand by warnings and curfews. I was called one morning and told that i was being evacuated. i was not told why or when only that i had to pack two bags both about 40-45lbs or less. I was to call no one and could tell no one. the only thing i could tell my village was the i was leaving for security reasons. I was to wait for further instructions. These instructions did not come until late that evening when i got a text message saying that if i was not informed before now i was to stay the night in my village. I got another on at around 8pm that i was to leave on the first bushtaxi out. I was not told when that would be and had to ask the chief or maigari how to get the the road and when to leave. I was to wake at the first prayer hour 5 in the morning and be out by 6.

I got to the regional capital and my regions hostel where i had the first contact with other volunteers and called home to inform my family what was happening. I was in my regional capital for about 4 days when we were shipped off to the capital to do the last admi papers before taking a round about way to the airport and flew to Morocco. There were did our close of service (COS)and helped us figure out what to do next.

In COS we had medical and other activities that we did learned about our options there were a few options i could take: close my service, re-enrollment, direct transfer, and expedited return. close my service is never going to another country which was out of the question. re-enrollment is applying again with a quick application, being pushed to the head of the line, and given more of a say in your service. direct transfer is being send from Morocco to another country. expedited return going home fore a few weeks and then being sent to another county. All of the options for expedited return and direct transfer had language requirements that i did not meet. I chose to do re-enrollment.

I came home after my service and went through some readjustment mostly sad or numb feeling, avoiding places and feel overwhelmed. I am now over such times and have finished my packet for re-enrollment i am waiting back on a response which should be any day now. I will keep you all updated about my options.

i would like to thank everyone for the support that they gave my during this emotional time.

My new address

My new address Corps de la Paix, BP 291 Maradi, Niger, West Africa. I'm finally in Maradi we are celebrating the new year. It's my first day here we are having pizza and cake. Just hanging out making new friends and having a blast. Go to my site this week don't know when yet.
This is all of us in Niger 2010 group. You should check it out. Written by Jacob. http://jacobmbarela.wordpress.com/2010/12/11/cha-and-farm-bios-2010/